be still

Psalm 131

My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.

But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

--

I have recently discovered that there is a large possibility that I could be at risk of being a complete control freak.

I like to tell myself that I'm not. I'm constantly reminding myself of His provision. His faithfulness. His love. La. La. La. A bunch of stuff surely I find hope in, but I don't really believe all the time.

There is so much that could happen in the upcoming months. My senior audit still isn't finished, so I don't know if I'm graduating in May or in December. I was notified today that I got an interview at Princeton Theological Seminary, which was some of the best news. At the same time, I don't know if I can take it because I don't know when I'm graduating. I also have a few internship opportunities for this summer.

Oh, and I'm getting married. No big.

Lots of decisions to make. Big, adult, life decisions. Part of me is almost indifferent to whatever happens. I'm just excited to have a zest for life again. (Falling in love with God all over again like it's the first time, but that's another blog.)

Many things leading up to this moment have taught me that wherever I am, it needs to be somewhere that I have to trust God. Because if I don't have to trust Him, 9x out of 10, I won't. So maybe this is a good place to be. Intentionally trusting God.



Sometimes, you just have to let God god.