i am the wayward son.

Today, I got a swift kick in the soul.

It's no secret that in the past year, I've felt hurt and even angry with people who I thought were supposed to shepherd and disciple me. People I thought I could live in Biblical community alongside. People I trusted. It was these same people I later felt wounded and almost betrayed by. As though none of it was ever sincere. And that deeply hurt.

I've carried around this bitterness for quite some time and tried to use it as fuel to "do" ministry better. I used it as a constant reminder to do right by people, act justly, and worship with a genuine heart and attitude. I tried to focus on the simple ways I could carry out programming youth ministry without lights and fog machines, hoping for something organic to happen.

But here's the thing.

I can't transform sinful bitterness into beauty. And that's exactly what I've been carrying around. Sinful, selfish bitterness that in the end, profits nothing. And no one. And certainly, not the Kingdom I claim to desire most.

I don't have the capabilities or the right intentions to transform my sin, or anyones sin for that matter, into beauty. How does one white knuckle a situation they've become embittered toward and genuinely and sincerely use that for Glory? They don't. I know because I've tried. I know because my intentions weren't that of Glory, but of proving to people they were wrong about what they've done and said. I don't have the power to redeem that situation just like I don't have the power to redeem your soul.

And the truth of the matter is, I'm sure I hurt them, too. Perhaps in different ways, but I guarantee it happened. You know why?

Because I'm a sinner. I am a sinner.

And I need the grace I haven't been giving from the same people I've refused to give it to. And mostly, I need it from the God I've sinned against, because in my bitterness and resentment, I haven't been sinning against them. I've been sinning against a gracious God who knows that people, all people, are sinners. We say the wrong thing and do the wrong thing and act in selfishness. We've all done it. And we'll do it again.

And it's my turn to ask forgiveness. Because ultimately, I'd hope we are on the same side. And that is the side of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, who came redeem all past, present, and future sins. Mine and theirs and yours. He is redeeming everything. All of it. Even me. Even you.

So what brought all this to bubble to the surface you might wonder?

I was listening to a Matt Chandler sermon in the car today, and I've listened to a particular piece of it over and over and over again. I swear God gave those words to Matt to enable the Spirit to speak to me in a way I couldn't deny. And as I kept listening to it on repeat, God pressed into me and pressed into me and pressed into me until His grace and push for repentance was so overwhelming, that it brought me to my knees. I realized I've been the wayward son, and it's time to come home. I pray if you find yourself having spoken or thought these things like I have, that this apology will be enough, you'll come home, too.


"Let me appeal to you. I don't want to make light of what happened to you in the past that you use to justify your rebellion against God. But I do want to push you in one area. You know what got lost in all of that, 'they're hypocrites'? You know what gets lost in all of that, 'they hurt people'? You know what get's lost in all of that, 'they're in it for money, they're in it for power'? You know what gets lost in all of that? Your short comings. Your hypocrisy. Your power play. Your love for this world.

And so if you would bear the same judgement on your own heart that you judged on the church, you'd find yourself just as lacking if not more. And then as a pastor let me just say this for what happened to you if it was around the church and it was sinful,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. There are imperfect, broken men and women, i'm one of them, leading the Bride of Christ. Part of that is the glory of God that He could use idiots like us. We make mistakes, we say the wrong thing at the wrong time - as much as we study, as much as we pray, as much as we try to. There are wolves out there. There are those who are in pulpits, who are about money, about power. who are about taking advantage of. The Bible tells us everything from weak-willed women to ignorant men. So if this is a legitimate wound, I'm sorry.

But here's the good news of the Gospel.

Jesus will by his cross forgive them like He has you, or He will rightly and justly judge them. So take the anger out of your heart. Vengeance is the Lord's. You've pledged allegiance to Christ and you've pledged allegiance to the world. You'll be miserable both places. Come home. Don't you know Luke 15? Don't you know the story of the prodigal? The father runs and throws the robe and throws the ring and celebrates what?. That the wayward son came home. Quit running. Don't let your life blow up to the point where there is serious collateral damage around your surrender to the Lord. Come home."

--From Matt Chandler's sermon, "Putting It All Together", The Village Church