make redemptive use of your time.

I always have this nagging fear that I'm going to die.

I know that sounds a little dramatic, but have you met me?

I have an anxiety disorder, and as a result, have certain trigger fears and can spin me into a panic over situations that are unrealistic or highly unlikely.

I'll give you an example.

Recently my husband brought home a dozen, hot pink roses for me. They smelled sweeter than fresh honeysuckle, and I couldn't wait to see them fulfill their purpose - blooming fully as they were created to do, and radiate His creativity and glory. The next morning when I got ready to leave for work, I spent my last few minutes staring at these flowers. I changed the water in the vase, arranged each one just so, and inhaled their sweet fragrance.

I know they always say to stop and smell the flowers, but I confess, this was a bit excessive. And it was all because I was convinced I wasn't going to make it home from work. That this was the day it would all be over for me.

I think this fear also planted roots in an event that happened my junior year of college. To make a longer story not so long, a genuine, God-fearing girl who I grew in faith alongside during middle and high school lost a brief, and unforeseen battle with cancer.

She was 19 years old.

Lauren was beautiful, talented, and genuine. And I knew if someone like her could die in such unpredictable and painful circumstances, that my life could be that short, too. Certainly, if someone as full of life and as generous and loving as Lauren could go young, my life could be that short, too.

As unrealistic as my fear was the day after I tarried over the roses, the reality is that we're all going to die. The people few will remember, and the people no one will forget. None of us are exempt. Maybe you never had a Lauren in your life, but this entire generation got a glimpse of this with the passing of Steve Jobs. Innovative, wealthy, brilliant, well-known. Even his body was temporary. Just like mine. Just like yours.

I think there exists a middle ground between fearing death to the point where we are paralyzed and no longer live, and wasting our lives believing we are untouchable.

I think this middle ground is where we live like we believe that life is short and eternity is long, and not the other way around. This middle ground is where we trust that nobody goes early. Nobody slips through God's hands. Every single one of us goes right on time.

I am guilty of seeing only what is in front of me and not what is ahead. I not only see, but tend to focus on the here and now, and sometimes the next year. And it's usually in those times that I am comfortable. Wayward. Even lost.

Complacency is a dangerous place to camp.

It is when I look full in His wonderful face, that I merely taste a morsel of the Kingdom. That little something that says we were made for more than this.

And I don't know what that looks like for you. Perhaps it means changing careers or schools. Perhaps it means staying exactly where you are, even if you want to leave. Or maybe the most dangerous thing you can do right now is clothe your mind with that of Christ, and send every thought through the filter that says you were made by God, for God. The filter that says you and I were made on purpose for dangerous things that are worth spending our short time that we call life on. That He loves you and died to bring you freedom. That you cannot out-sin His grace and mercy.

As I sit and write this, I get that weird fear creeping up that says maybe I'm writing this because God is preparing me to die.

And even if that train wreck of a thought process were to prove true, and one day it will, I do not believe that God prepares us for death.

I believe that He prepares us for life, and life everlasting.