Last night, I went to sleep tired.
Since I've had a few weeks off work before starting my new job, I've been taking it easy. I've spent my days reading, writing, relaxing, and spending quality time with my husband - things I haven't had time to do for a long time.
Oh, and I answer my cell phone a lot more, too. (I have a bit of a reputation.)
Needless to say, I haven't been very tired lately. Not emotionally, physically, or even sleepy. I haven't done anything disciplined, consistent, or stressful. I've resesarched new projects I'm working on, done some homework, washed dishes. Normal things for me. But when you sleep until 11am and watch an episode of Teen Mom in between each chore you do, your day is not very productive. Or tiring.
Yesterday was my first busy day since I quit my job. I went bridesmaids dress shopping with one of my best friends, and afterwards, we went out for lunch. We drank martinis, ate delicious food, and shared stories about life and love and work. My brother visited me and my husband, and we all went out and watched the Pitt game. And all day I thought to myself, I have read about this feeling. This joy and contentment. This seizing of moments and time.
Ah, yes. This is exactly what Solomon was talking about.
Seize life! Eat bread with gusto,
Drink wine with a robust heart.
Oh yes—God takes pleasure in your pleasure!
Dress festively every morning.
Don't skimp on colors and scarves.
Relish life with the spouse you love
Each and every day of your precarious life.
Each day is God's gift. It's all you get in exchange
For the hard work of staying alive.
Make the most of each one!
Whatever turns up, grab it and do it. And heartily!
This is your last and only chance at it,
For there's neither work to do nor thoughts to think
In the company of the dead, where you're most certainly headed.
-Ecclesiasties 9:7-10 (The Message)
But there is a reality here that I like to ignore. Living comes with dying.
Eventually, there won't be another day to procrastinate away your ambition. There won't be time to develop ideas for thrift stores and social programs. There won't be time to dream of opening music venues and coffee shops. There won't be a next week's paycheck to tithe or a different day to say you'll serve. There won't be time to talk about the things we really wanted to do.
Eventually, I will die. And so will you.
When I get to heaven, I want to have stories to tell. When I sit at His grand table with the disciples. The forgiven. The faithful. After I die, I want to live to tell about it. My life before that was never really mine. I want to join the conversation about the times I was faithful and opened myself to the beauty God had for me in life on earth. I want to talk about the fear that accompanied that faithfulness. I bet they'll pass me the bread and share a similar stories. I want to talk about the risks taken for His Kingdom come, and how He carried us and gave us ideas and desires. I want to see their scars that reflect His. I want to have similar scars to show. I want to kiss His feet and sob and sing when He offers me wine.
When I get to the table, I want to be relieved because I'm exhausted, not disappointed because there was so much more I wanted to do.
You know that sigh of relief you felt when you finally finished the mile run your teacher made you do in gym class in middle school? It was long and tiring, (and you knew you had to look stupid in your Umbro shorts and baggy t-shirt), but you felt so good when you accomplished it, because secretly, you thought you wouldn't make it? I hope to feel a little something like that.
When you're sitting home watching Teen Mom and washing a dish or two, you will not go to bed tired. You won't take any risks, and you won't read your Bible for hours like your told yourself you would "if only you had the time". When all is said or unsaid, done or never started, I hope you're tired.
I hope when I die, I live to tell about it. And I hope you'll be there to pass the bread.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
have a little dedication to your dreams
When I was little, I wanted to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.
Keep in mind Pittsburgh, I didn't live in Steel City at the time. I did gymnastics for years and could never nail my back handspring. My mom scraped up the cash to let me take some one on one gymnastics lessons for the sole reason of getting my back handspring down. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get it. So finally, I gave up.
After losing my hopes of being an NFL Cheerleader, I decided I wanted to be an actress. And not just any actress - I wanted to be TWO actresses. Mary-Kate AND Ashley Olsen. I remember having a shrine to them in my room. They were gorgeous and talented and traveled everywhere for their movies. And they always got the guy at the end. Who wouldn't want that? So I decided to give it a go.
My elementary school was putting on the play 'Cinderella'. The day the cast list went up, I could feel the adrenaline making my fingers tingle as I waited for the bell to ring. As soon as it i did, I along with every other 6th grade girl bolted down the hallway. Not only did I not get the lead, but I didn't even get a named role. I'm pretty sure I played a bush. (Or a tree. For the sake of this blog, we'll go with bush.) I sat outside the castle where Cinderella would dance with her prince, and held up a green, cloud-like shaped piece of butcher paper. I held my prop in front of my face and watched Cinderella and the Prince dance on stage. The sinking feeling of envy took over me and I felt warm all over. I didn't like this feeling. I'd rather give up on wanting the lead than than feel this way. Time for a new dream.
As an adult, it would be easy to look back on those dreams justify giving up based on how illogical they were. I mean, statistically, what are the odds of becoming a professional cheerleader or actress? Or a twin for that matter?
But when I was a Senior in High School, I got the lead in my High School's musical. I had been an extra ever since I played a bush in the 6th grade. And I got comfortable dancing in the background. So I gave up on thinking I had a chance at something big. I always auditioned because my Mom said I should, but I never anticipated getting anything great. So when I got the lead, you can imagine my disbelief. I thought it was a mistake. That is until the Director congratulated me later that day.
Next to the stage in my high school, there were stairs that lead down to a room with mirrors and lit vanities with the big light bulbs where we all did our make-up before shows. When you were a senior, you got to paint your own "block". They were just the cinder blocks on the walls, but it was something all of us had looked forward to since we got to high school. As the lead, I got to paint my block next to the previous musical leads that I looked up to: Amelia Degory and Kate Gongaware. And next to them, my name. I remember the smell of powdered make-up and heat from the fluorescent bulbs as I painted my block and decided what to write on it. There was only one thing I could think of.
"God Dreams Bigger."
Since I've gotten older, my dreams of course, have changed. I think it's okay for dreams to evolve. And not only do I think it's okay, but I think it's necessary. We get older and our eyes are opened to new things and new passions are awakened within us.
But there is a big difference friends, between evolving dreams and dying ones.
You and I both know the feeling. Thinking what you really want to do is illogical or unreasonable. It happens for some people, just not you. Settling for what seems realistic.
Where did we learn this?
I think Satan feeds us these lies to stop us from doing something big with our lives. Satan wants you to waste your life in a 9-5 job that pays the bills and enables vacations for you and your kids. He wants you to be comfortable with what you're doing and stay there. He doesn't want you to venture out and try new things. He doesn't want you to study abroad, get married young, or quit an unethical job. He wants you to be logical. Do things in order. Conventionally. Safely.
I have yet to witness a life where 'safe' and 'Kingdom of God' coexist.
Maybe your dream is to open a thrift store. Maybe you want to write music that touches the world. Maybe you want to do something completely different than what you studied in college.
Stop giving up so easily.
You are not alone. Dream and live in confidence that someone else already dreams bigger than your wildest.
Keep in mind Pittsburgh, I didn't live in Steel City at the time. I did gymnastics for years and could never nail my back handspring. My mom scraped up the cash to let me take some one on one gymnastics lessons for the sole reason of getting my back handspring down. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get it. So finally, I gave up.
After losing my hopes of being an NFL Cheerleader, I decided I wanted to be an actress. And not just any actress - I wanted to be TWO actresses. Mary-Kate AND Ashley Olsen. I remember having a shrine to them in my room. They were gorgeous and talented and traveled everywhere for their movies. And they always got the guy at the end. Who wouldn't want that? So I decided to give it a go.
My elementary school was putting on the play 'Cinderella'. The day the cast list went up, I could feel the adrenaline making my fingers tingle as I waited for the bell to ring. As soon as it i did, I along with every other 6th grade girl bolted down the hallway. Not only did I not get the lead, but I didn't even get a named role. I'm pretty sure I played a bush. (Or a tree. For the sake of this blog, we'll go with bush.) I sat outside the castle where Cinderella would dance with her prince, and held up a green, cloud-like shaped piece of butcher paper. I held my prop in front of my face and watched Cinderella and the Prince dance on stage. The sinking feeling of envy took over me and I felt warm all over. I didn't like this feeling. I'd rather give up on wanting the lead than than feel this way. Time for a new dream.
As an adult, it would be easy to look back on those dreams justify giving up based on how illogical they were. I mean, statistically, what are the odds of becoming a professional cheerleader or actress? Or a twin for that matter?
But when I was a Senior in High School, I got the lead in my High School's musical. I had been an extra ever since I played a bush in the 6th grade. And I got comfortable dancing in the background. So I gave up on thinking I had a chance at something big. I always auditioned because my Mom said I should, but I never anticipated getting anything great. So when I got the lead, you can imagine my disbelief. I thought it was a mistake. That is until the Director congratulated me later that day.
Next to the stage in my high school, there were stairs that lead down to a room with mirrors and lit vanities with the big light bulbs where we all did our make-up before shows. When you were a senior, you got to paint your own "block". They were just the cinder blocks on the walls, but it was something all of us had looked forward to since we got to high school. As the lead, I got to paint my block next to the previous musical leads that I looked up to: Amelia Degory and Kate Gongaware. And next to them, my name. I remember the smell of powdered make-up and heat from the fluorescent bulbs as I painted my block and decided what to write on it. There was only one thing I could think of.
"God Dreams Bigger."
Since I've gotten older, my dreams of course, have changed. I think it's okay for dreams to evolve. And not only do I think it's okay, but I think it's necessary. We get older and our eyes are opened to new things and new passions are awakened within us.
But there is a big difference friends, between evolving dreams and dying ones.
You and I both know the feeling. Thinking what you really want to do is illogical or unreasonable. It happens for some people, just not you. Settling for what seems realistic.
Where did we learn this?
I think Satan feeds us these lies to stop us from doing something big with our lives. Satan wants you to waste your life in a 9-5 job that pays the bills and enables vacations for you and your kids. He wants you to be comfortable with what you're doing and stay there. He doesn't want you to venture out and try new things. He doesn't want you to study abroad, get married young, or quit an unethical job. He wants you to be logical. Do things in order. Conventionally. Safely.
I have yet to witness a life where 'safe' and 'Kingdom of God' coexist.
Maybe your dream is to open a thrift store. Maybe you want to write music that touches the world. Maybe you want to do something completely different than what you studied in college.
Stop giving up so easily.
You are not alone. Dream and live in confidence that someone else already dreams bigger than your wildest.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
in justice.
I applied for an internship last summer with a non-profit called "The Mocha Club" in Nashville. I was very blessed to be offered the opportunity to intern with them, but life took my husband a different direction and I turned it down. (Check them out though - amazing people. www.themochaclub.org) One thing that I'll never forget about this process was a quote I ran across on their website.
"If you remain neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor." - Bishop Desmond Tutu
I read it and thought, hey, that's a pretty good quote. It reminded me of something my mom used to tell me when I was in elementary school. You know, if you see someone being bullied and you don't stand up for them, you're a bully too? Surely your mother gave you a similar talk when you were younger. And if she didn't, maybe that's why I'm louder than you. Blame my mom.
This quote has stuck with me ever since I read it. But it's not like it revolutionized my life or anything. At least, I never thought it did. Until recently.
To say the least, life for me my husband in 2011 has already proven to be nothing short of eventful. I've had to make some very difficult decisions - ones I didn't think I would face unless I worked in the corporate world, or at least until I was 45 years old. But like the guy on the Nationwide commercial says, life comes at you fast.
To make a long story not so long, I know now from experience that you can only look injustice in the face and walk past her desk for so long before you stop denying that you've become party to the injustice that you've seen. And not by initiating it, but by being neutral. By saying and doing nothing at all.
Injustice will try and appear distant. Out of focus. Like it has nothing to do with you. Not your country, not your salary, not your boyfriend, not your fault. It won't seem worth it. It will seem like it's not your fight. But the Gospel says something different.
It is your fight. It is absolutely your fight.
On this side of eternity, it will always be your fight. And if the church is being the church, it will be our fight.
In justice, we will carry each others burdens.
In justice, we will find holistic community. (thank you Pastor Jim.)
In justice, there is sacrifice.
In justice, hard decisions are made.
Injustice is too easy.
And I bet Satan makes it that way on purpose. Because he knows that you are scared and lazy. And he knows I am, too.
Sometimes in life, you are going to be faced with really hard decisions. I mean, life changing, rent compromising, tear ridden, up all night for days decisions. Ones that will show your true character, and if to no one else, to just yourself. And you will make these decisions in justice, or injustice.
Trust me when I say when you make a decision in justice, God will see you and know. He won't come down on a cloud and pat you on the back, but He will know.
And when you make a decision injustice, even if it's an "it's not my fight decision", you will most likely go on living your life. You will go home to your warm house and comfy bed and get up in the morning and drink coffee and go to your job and come home and do it all over again. And I don't know whether in justice, God will reveal your true character to you whether God will simply be just.
Let's pray He reveals your true character to you first.
I don't say this to scare you into doing the right thing. I say it because if He doesn't show you or you don't decide to stand up for what you know is right, you will slowly become more and more desensitized. God won't strike you with lightening or punish you by giving your kids cancer. He doesn't work that way. But something will happen.
Your heart will slowly become worn down. When you sing, you won't mean it. When you dance, you won't feel it. You'll lose your zest. Your compassion. You'll lose sight of the goal. And you won't realize it until you're blaming God for that something that's "just missing".
I'm pleading with you friends, make the hard decisions. I promise you, it's worth it. There are people on the other side of your sacrifice. They are the same people you've been sacrificing while you've been letting injustice live and breathe in your life.
While at first it seemed embarrassing, as my current job description goes from "Youth Pastor" to "Waitress", I now feel lucky that God has decided to give me a dose of this early in life.
Plus, I get more time with the 7 pound terror I like to call Lilah. Oh, and my husband, too.
"If you remain neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor." - Bishop Desmond Tutu
I read it and thought, hey, that's a pretty good quote. It reminded me of something my mom used to tell me when I was in elementary school. You know, if you see someone being bullied and you don't stand up for them, you're a bully too? Surely your mother gave you a similar talk when you were younger. And if she didn't, maybe that's why I'm louder than you. Blame my mom.
This quote has stuck with me ever since I read it. But it's not like it revolutionized my life or anything. At least, I never thought it did. Until recently.
To say the least, life for me my husband in 2011 has already proven to be nothing short of eventful. I've had to make some very difficult decisions - ones I didn't think I would face unless I worked in the corporate world, or at least until I was 45 years old. But like the guy on the Nationwide commercial says, life comes at you fast.
To make a long story not so long, I know now from experience that you can only look injustice in the face and walk past her desk for so long before you stop denying that you've become party to the injustice that you've seen. And not by initiating it, but by being neutral. By saying and doing nothing at all.
Injustice will try and appear distant. Out of focus. Like it has nothing to do with you. Not your country, not your salary, not your boyfriend, not your fault. It won't seem worth it. It will seem like it's not your fight. But the Gospel says something different.
It is your fight. It is absolutely your fight.
On this side of eternity, it will always be your fight. And if the church is being the church, it will be our fight.
In justice, we will carry each others burdens.
In justice, we will find holistic community. (thank you Pastor Jim.)
In justice, there is sacrifice.
In justice, hard decisions are made.
Injustice is too easy.
And I bet Satan makes it that way on purpose. Because he knows that you are scared and lazy. And he knows I am, too.
Sometimes in life, you are going to be faced with really hard decisions. I mean, life changing, rent compromising, tear ridden, up all night for days decisions. Ones that will show your true character, and if to no one else, to just yourself. And you will make these decisions in justice, or injustice.
Trust me when I say when you make a decision in justice, God will see you and know. He won't come down on a cloud and pat you on the back, but He will know.
And when you make a decision injustice, even if it's an "it's not my fight decision", you will most likely go on living your life. You will go home to your warm house and comfy bed and get up in the morning and drink coffee and go to your job and come home and do it all over again. And I don't know whether in justice, God will reveal your true character to you whether God will simply be just.
Let's pray He reveals your true character to you first.
I don't say this to scare you into doing the right thing. I say it because if He doesn't show you or you don't decide to stand up for what you know is right, you will slowly become more and more desensitized. God won't strike you with lightening or punish you by giving your kids cancer. He doesn't work that way. But something will happen.
Your heart will slowly become worn down. When you sing, you won't mean it. When you dance, you won't feel it. You'll lose your zest. Your compassion. You'll lose sight of the goal. And you won't realize it until you're blaming God for that something that's "just missing".
I'm pleading with you friends, make the hard decisions. I promise you, it's worth it. There are people on the other side of your sacrifice. They are the same people you've been sacrificing while you've been letting injustice live and breathe in your life.
While at first it seemed embarrassing, as my current job description goes from "Youth Pastor" to "Waitress", I now feel lucky that God has decided to give me a dose of this early in life.
Plus, I get more time with the 7 pound terror I like to call Lilah. Oh, and my husband, too.
Friday, February 4, 2011
if you want to learn about Jesus, get a dog.
A few days ago, my puppy bit me. And I don't mean just nipped me a little. The sucker bit me so hard I bled. And I was shocked at what it taught me.
I could hear things rattling around in the bathroom and saw light beaming out of a crack in the door. I knew my puppy had weaseled her way in there somehow. Nothing surprises me with this dog anymore. She probably even turned the light on by herself. This is a puppy who obliterates armies of socks, boxes of tissues, and jumps puppy gates. She is the cutest 7 pound terror I've ever met.
I found her in the bathroom...mouth stuffed to the brim with tissues, q-tips, and your typical bathroom garbage finds. Delicious, right? Definitely not. And definitely not good for a small puppy to swallow (or anyone for that matter!) As soon as I walked in, she knew she was in trouble. She peered up at me with her huge brown eyes, and then ran. She went straight to the Lovesac (a real piece of furniture...not what you're thinking - www.lovesac.com - thought even if it were what you're thinking, I'm married now!). It's like her huge princess puppy bed. As I chased her and tried to pry her jaw open, I started to worry, thinking about all the stuff in the garbage that could hurt her.
Oh my gosh. I am so stupid. How could I have left the door open? I could have swore I shut it. How does she find her way in? What happens if she swallows a Q-tip and it get's stuck in her little puppy belly and won't come out? What if they have to do surgery on her little body? The vet would think I neglect her. Everyone in the waiting room would know what a horrible puppy mother I am. What if they told PITA? And they sued me for leaving the bathroom door open....
I was rattled out of my thoughts when I felt a quick and lasting burning sensation in my right index finger. She bit me. It felt worse than my tattoo. I let out a scream, and those jaws of life clamped harder. I lifted up Lilah and she let go. I was dripping blood.
And the little buzzard still had garbage in her mouth.
My husband heard me scream and ran into the living room. Since Survivor wasn't on, he knew I must have been yelling at Lilah and not the TV. He looked at her and yelled, "NO!" and made an attempt to take the rest of the garbage out of her mouth. As I was rinsing my finger in the sink and complaining that it was going to fall off, I heard Caleb yell. "SHE BIT ME!!" I knew this meant trouble.
Lilah would stay in her puppy crate the rest of the night. Caleb and I proceeded to whine like parents we see on sitcoms about how we feed her and play with her and take her on walks - and how does she repay us? By eating garbage and biting us when we try and protect her from what could hurt her. And then it hit me.
I looked at my husband with tears in my eyes and he calmly asked what was wrong. I looked at Lilah in her crate, sitting pretty with her head cocked to the side, not making a sound.
I do that to God all the time Caleb. He takes care of me, provides for me, gives me everything for my joy. And yet, in a moment, I will find something that my life deems more important and run to protect it. And when He tries to keep me from what will harm me, I bite His finger and make Him bleed.
I didn't enjoy seeing Lilah stuck in her puppy crate all night. I knew she'd rather be chewing on her bone, and I would have much rather played with her than watch her sit alone. But Lilah is just a puppy, and if I didn't punish her, she'd never learn that what she did was wrong.
If God never allowed me to experience the consequences of my actions, I would never learn. Now certainly, I was not going to let Lilah eat garbage and die because she doesn't have the mental capacity of a human. However, you do. And I do. We have discernment and a conscience...not to mention Scripture that holds all the secrets. And yet Scripture also tells us if we want our sin bad enough, we will be given over to it as to learn that even the sweetest of sins will not satisfy. The most innocent of sins...
It's not like I've killed anybody. I just wanted a good job so I could give my family a better life than I had. So what if I'm working 70 hours a week? I make most of my sons games. And my wife, she knows I love her. She makes me dinner all the time because she knows how hard I work. She even left a job she loved to take care of the kids full time so I could work my way up. I buy them everything they ask for. The only thing I'm guilty of is giving my family a good life.
Trust me. You're killing them. And yourself.
Maybe you don't have kids, and maybe you aren't married. But I bet you fall into this trap all the time. I know I do. It's almost too easy. Justifying our sin until we are knee deep in it, then blaming God for letting us go that far.
Maybe it's because He knows we know better. Or maybe He knew something worse would happen if He didn't allow our actions to teach us something the first time. Or maybe He is sick of watching you protect your garbage with all the might that my puppy did. Maybe He knows grace has to be taught, experienced. His love cannot merely be read about in a book.
Looking back on my short 22 years, I am now grateful that God gave me over to some of my garbage. I no longer think it's because He didn't love me, but rather because He did. I pray this becomes the case for you.
And if you want to learn about grace firsthand, buy a really, really, really cute puppy.
I could hear things rattling around in the bathroom and saw light beaming out of a crack in the door. I knew my puppy had weaseled her way in there somehow. Nothing surprises me with this dog anymore. She probably even turned the light on by herself. This is a puppy who obliterates armies of socks, boxes of tissues, and jumps puppy gates. She is the cutest 7 pound terror I've ever met.
I found her in the bathroom...mouth stuffed to the brim with tissues, q-tips, and your typical bathroom garbage finds. Delicious, right? Definitely not. And definitely not good for a small puppy to swallow (or anyone for that matter!) As soon as I walked in, she knew she was in trouble. She peered up at me with her huge brown eyes, and then ran. She went straight to the Lovesac (a real piece of furniture...not what you're thinking - www.lovesac.com - thought even if it were what you're thinking, I'm married now!). It's like her huge princess puppy bed. As I chased her and tried to pry her jaw open, I started to worry, thinking about all the stuff in the garbage that could hurt her.
Oh my gosh. I am so stupid. How could I have left the door open? I could have swore I shut it. How does she find her way in? What happens if she swallows a Q-tip and it get's stuck in her little puppy belly and won't come out? What if they have to do surgery on her little body? The vet would think I neglect her. Everyone in the waiting room would know what a horrible puppy mother I am. What if they told PITA? And they sued me for leaving the bathroom door open....
I was rattled out of my thoughts when I felt a quick and lasting burning sensation in my right index finger. She bit me. It felt worse than my tattoo. I let out a scream, and those jaws of life clamped harder. I lifted up Lilah and she let go. I was dripping blood.
And the little buzzard still had garbage in her mouth.
My husband heard me scream and ran into the living room. Since Survivor wasn't on, he knew I must have been yelling at Lilah and not the TV. He looked at her and yelled, "NO!" and made an attempt to take the rest of the garbage out of her mouth. As I was rinsing my finger in the sink and complaining that it was going to fall off, I heard Caleb yell. "SHE BIT ME!!" I knew this meant trouble.
Lilah would stay in her puppy crate the rest of the night. Caleb and I proceeded to whine like parents we see on sitcoms about how we feed her and play with her and take her on walks - and how does she repay us? By eating garbage and biting us when we try and protect her from what could hurt her. And then it hit me.
I looked at my husband with tears in my eyes and he calmly asked what was wrong. I looked at Lilah in her crate, sitting pretty with her head cocked to the side, not making a sound.
I do that to God all the time Caleb. He takes care of me, provides for me, gives me everything for my joy. And yet, in a moment, I will find something that my life deems more important and run to protect it. And when He tries to keep me from what will harm me, I bite His finger and make Him bleed.
I didn't enjoy seeing Lilah stuck in her puppy crate all night. I knew she'd rather be chewing on her bone, and I would have much rather played with her than watch her sit alone. But Lilah is just a puppy, and if I didn't punish her, she'd never learn that what she did was wrong.
If God never allowed me to experience the consequences of my actions, I would never learn. Now certainly, I was not going to let Lilah eat garbage and die because she doesn't have the mental capacity of a human. However, you do. And I do. We have discernment and a conscience...not to mention Scripture that holds all the secrets. And yet Scripture also tells us if we want our sin bad enough, we will be given over to it as to learn that even the sweetest of sins will not satisfy. The most innocent of sins...
It's not like I've killed anybody. I just wanted a good job so I could give my family a better life than I had. So what if I'm working 70 hours a week? I make most of my sons games. And my wife, she knows I love her. She makes me dinner all the time because she knows how hard I work. She even left a job she loved to take care of the kids full time so I could work my way up. I buy them everything they ask for. The only thing I'm guilty of is giving my family a good life.
Trust me. You're killing them. And yourself.
Maybe you don't have kids, and maybe you aren't married. But I bet you fall into this trap all the time. I know I do. It's almost too easy. Justifying our sin until we are knee deep in it, then blaming God for letting us go that far.
Maybe it's because He knows we know better. Or maybe He knew something worse would happen if He didn't allow our actions to teach us something the first time. Or maybe He is sick of watching you protect your garbage with all the might that my puppy did. Maybe He knows grace has to be taught, experienced. His love cannot merely be read about in a book.
Looking back on my short 22 years, I am now grateful that God gave me over to some of my garbage. I no longer think it's because He didn't love me, but rather because He did. I pray this becomes the case for you.
And if you want to learn about grace firsthand, buy a really, really, really cute puppy.
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