Today I sat outside of the new building that holds the church community I will live life with for the next year, and I thought to myself,
You knew it all along, didn't You?
It was a peace almost unfamiliar. My husband and I sat in chairs facing the surrounding neighborhoods outside of our new church and rehearsed for hours, sweating and swaying in this unfamiliar area that somehow already felt like home. Guitars, tapping feet, and songs of joy and new beginnings. And our only audience was the Breather of Stars...and our Pastor who could hear us from his parsonage.
It's no secret that the past year has not been an easy one. Dreams uncovered selfish rather than selfless, idolatry I never knew humans were capable of, and hope lost in a crowd of disillusionment and disappointment.
But today, I breathed in the blessed assurance that can only come from the Artist of Seasons. And it wasn't assurance that this job was going to work out beautifully unlike the last. It wasn't assurance that we'd love our neighborhood or make a ton of friends who shared our faith, or that we could share our faith with. It wasn't even assurance that "we made it" and "everything is going to be okay". It was the peace in knowing that God is sovereign, and He loves us. And should He need to again, He will release us from environments harsh to our hearts, and in His mercy, refine us in order to be and make better disciples.
I felt protected, and I knew His hand was on us. It was rather overwhelming.
I knew He heard every word we were singing in that moment, and every song we were too exhausted or too embarassed to sing in the past year. I confess, we allowed ourselves to be wounded, perhaps longer than necessary. However, healing is a process, as is with almost everything. We are slowly but surely being sanctified, and have the tattoo's to prove it. Godliness does not happen overnight. It is an uphill, dirt path, littered with gravel.
And we're all barefoot.
As hard as Caleb and I tried to flee to the sunny skies of South Carolina, we'll endure another snowmagedeon in Western Pennsylvania. God had something different in mind for us. We're confident it's no other cause than His Kingdom. And you know what?
We're amped.
Our anxiety of the future has been replaced with an anxiousness to share what He's done and is doing, and not just in redeeming us, but redeeming all of creation.
Perhaps it took a year-long kick in the soul to remind me, these things are much bigger than us, and the fact that all isn't revealed on this side of eternity is on purpose. That's why faith doesn't require eyes and order.
Today, I only see in part. One day I'll see You right. And then maybe all of this will make sense.
Or maybe I won't need it to make sense anymore.
