Could today be different?

I always think God is angry with me.

Surely, my sin as of recent is no greater or less than my sin of before.  And yet, I constantly feel as though He is disappointed in His daughter.  I even see an image of him in my head with a shiny silver watch on His wrist and tapping his foot on days when I'm 15 minutes late to work, as though He's saying, "I blessed you with this opportunity - why would you disrespect Me in not valuing it enough to be here on time every day?"

Some days, it plagues me.  I ask forgiveness from God and forgiveness from those I've sinned against, and still don't feel any better.  Other days, I ask for grace and move on with the rest of the day.  But lately, I'll admit, I'm lucky if I can keep the negative thoughts in my brain quieter than the worship music on Pandora trying to out-scream it.

As I sit here at my desk at work listening to Kari Jobe cry out, "Hosanna! Hosanna!  Hosanna in the highest!", I feel completely unworthy of singing those words.  How could a perfect Savior love such a great sinner?  How could He want me in His family?  Would he really offer me a seat at the banquet?  How do I believe these things when I worry He wouldn't give me a second glance if I said His name in public?

And then I started thinking, what if instead, today I decided to believe the Lord has forgiven me and cleansed me of all my great sin?  What if I believed when He looks at me, He sees the blood of the lamb, and He sees me as perfect and blameless?  What if I believed He sees beauty and glory and righteousness, in that though I am a great sinner, He is greater still to cover me?

How different would your day look if you believed the same?  How different would today be if you stopped focusing on the shame and guilt that suffocate like thick black smoke, and decided to breathe the clean air of Truth?  The Truth that says,

"You are Mine and I will hold you close today, because my love for you is deeper than the oceans.  I don't care where you've fallen.  No one can charge you.  You're Mine."

I believe God made beauty in this day, and He wants you to enjoy it.  Breathe in His grace and the Truth that says God has deep affections for His people, and stop believing the lie Satan feeds you that somehow you could possibly out-sin the cross.

His love has not grown cold for you.